And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
