What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
