Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Drunk is not a location!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
