well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
