I feel great
I just peed on a car
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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