I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
