Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
