Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Someone came in the potted fern
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
