I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
