Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
