dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry about my life...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His nipple licking is glorious
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