420 ftw
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
