U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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