Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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