i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
