Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
