Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
