Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
