So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
