Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
