Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
