Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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