We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
