Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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