I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
