we have officially lost it.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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