I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
