she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
