I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So vagazzling was a success
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
