I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
