im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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