so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
