I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
