chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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