Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
