Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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