Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
