i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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