also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
