Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The air was thick with penises
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
