im having a threesome with these popsicles
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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