I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
