Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
