Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
