if you like me you must not know who I am
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
