You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Mom said you looked used
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
