Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
