In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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