The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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