Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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