i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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